The Relationship/Wedding Thread

She’s already got it mate. It’s your social life they take.
Materialism doesn’t matter after that. :pensive:

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Should of got a prenup. Rookie error

Got something in place to ensure the property is divided up equitably should we ever split up, so we’re happy with that.

After that, I’d say she likely has as much in the way of savings/assets as I do, if not more, so maybe its her who needed the pre nup :grin:

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She can claim half of your mod powers on OA

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Stake your claim! :joy:

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Everybody’s experiences are different bro. I’m 4 years in and don’t regret a thing - I’ve been in some dark places and she’s helped me through those times. And equally, I’ve done the same for her. It’s hard to picture where I’d be without that unconditional love and support. And when you give it back to that person, it creates a stronger bond than before. Ties you together in a way that laughing at the same jokes or enjoying the same movies will never do. Compatibility only takes you so far - you both have to care for another and you truly find out your feelings in those low / testing moments. Easy to know somebody for years and never really have a test that shows you what you will both be like when things are really tough.

Oldest cliche in the book about marriage - it’s about compromise and communication. You shouldn’t be taking / giving more than the other person. I wasn’t a great communicator before but I’ve learned to just fucking say what’s on my mind and it’s helped in all aspects of life, not just marriage.

I’d also add that boundaries are important - doing things for you that don’t involve your partner is fine. Establish that very early on. Before marriage, you would get fulfilment from friends / family / experiences - so why should that stop just because your married? Find a balance (easier said than done). If you feel restricted in some way, that will just create resentment and will end badly eventually.

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By and large it’s a lottery. What works one relationship won’t work in another.
It’s not black and White. Some get lucky and some don’t.
If it doesn’t workout it shouldn’t be something that people judgement call you on. In a lot of cases it’ll be the best thing you can do.
I say that as someone in long relationship but it doesn’t give me any high moral ground to judge someone else on.
Not that anybody is doing anything but giving sound advice here. Just worth pointing out. Same as some people don’t want or need relationships. All good.

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Agreed, my parents split up when I was like 6/7, best thing they could have done imo, meant they both found someone they were better suited to in the end and I grew up in two happy homes rather than one unhappy one. That’s why I’ve never been convinced by the “let’s stick together for the kids” argument that some adopt (no moral judgement from me aimed at people who have made this decision)

Sunk cost fallacy applies to some extent, better to call time on a relationship that isn’t right rather than stick with with cos you have kids and have been together for x number of years.

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Imagine a Man U fan modding an Arsenal forum :sweat_smile:

I promise I’ll do my best to make sure it’s no part of any potential future settlement.

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You married a Yanited fan? Disappointed in you Jacob

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Much better than having a partner who doesn’t like football, trust me mate. Means I basically never get given shit if I say no to social plans or proposed activities if it clashes with a match I wanna watch. She’ll even check Arsenal fixtures and refuse any potential plans on my behalf without even consulting me first :grin:

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Better than a potential Chelsea fan modding an Arsenal forum IMO.

@Sol your missus might check what you post as well eh bro? :joy::rofl: don’t worry G I feel you

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@Stroller It is a lottery and what works for people will be different. It’s just that marriage is held out to be one of life’s key achievements / aspirations / whatever. So people will chase it and think it is the only way. But of course it isn’t. And then if you don’t get married or a marriage doesn’t work out, it’s almost like you’ve failed in some way. That’s the way many cultures brainwash you into thinking.

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Quite funny that people who are single want to get married and people who are married want to become single. :grinning:
and as they say: the true secret to a happy marriage will probably always remain a secret :grinning:

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I love being married, never thought I would. But it feels good it’s different to just being in a relationship. I can’t describe it because it’s kind of an intangible but for me it’s definitely there.

In my opinion unless someone cheating which is the only unrecoverable thing, there isn’t anything that can’t be worked out. We live in a society now where individualism has gone way to the extreme and you see a lot of “what’s best for me” instead of “what’s best for us” and “what do I get” instead of “what we can achieve” It doesn’t help that a lot media we consume also pushes this narrative, you see it online (mostly on social media) where people who have failed at relationships post generic and cliche posts giving relationship advice or tv shows that encourage men and women to be this way and even light hearted comedies are always a husband v wife type dynamic. Where everyone involved is about what they are getting individually for themselves and the minute they perceive that they are no longer getting anything leave.

I see a lot of people who chat shit about their significant others to friends and family irl, and when I see that I already know their going to be doomed. Because they could just go and talk to their partners instead.

A true union in my opinion means you become a team, and like I’ve seen @Stroller say numerous times, in the name of peace and harmony, you make compromises. To things you watch, things you do, how you behave etc… and in my experience I been married for 5 years this year, communication is the key. Just tell each other when something is bugging you, but also sacrifice is important, there will be hard times, boring times, massive blow outs and arguments, that’s just life and will happen with anyone you spend everyday with, key is to not take these to heart and move on. If you view relationships and marriage through and individual lens, with egos, with the goal of “winning” then in my opinion it’s doomed to failure from the beginning.

Just my two pence

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Echo every word.

But what I meant by sharing experiences, sharing the good ones and even the shit ones together is great for the bond I think.

And I agree, complete openness and honesty is usually the best policy.

Of course things are exceptions, like you’d never dream to call your spouse fat but I try to keep the BS to a minimum.

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I know some couples can work through it but having been in that situation in a previous relationship, I just don’t know how you ever get that trust back.

Some excellent posts here. I thought I would share my experience as well.

I have been married now for over 15 years. I met my wife in college in the summer of 1999, we got to know each other over the next few years and by the time we started working, I knew she was the one for me. Getting married was not straight forward as her family are ultra orthodox Hindu Brahmins (a caste in Hinduism) while my family are just the regular variety of Hindu. Cross caste marriages are a big no-no in her family (the Indians on this forum know what I am talking about) and we were the first to do that. So it took a lot of convincing for her parents and other elders of the family to approve. Some of them still don’t fully approve to this day.

Anyway, enough of that nonsense. Coming to my marriage and things I have learnt in the last 15 years of living together. First and foremost, dating someone and living with them are two very different things. You only see the best of each other when dating cause you only have a few hours with each other each time you meet. So you look your best, you smell your best, you are in the best frame of mind (mostly) and so things seems lovely. Marriage is a whole other monster. We learnt that very quickly within the first year or so of marriage as we would have epic fights over stupid stuff. Of course, there we many beautiful moments as well but the fight were new for us, especially the scale of them.

I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to just punch a wall or smash something cause she would just drive me mad and am sure it was the same with her. But over the years, while the intensity and frequency of the fights hasn’t changed, we have grown to realize that the fights are just another way of showing each other how much we care. I would rather we fight like cats and dogs than just keep it all within or worse, not care about what the other one thinks. And with age comes a certain maturity where even though you fight, you just make up really quick and get on with it.

The other thing I have learnt is that you need to give each other space and time. While we love each other’s company, the “me time” is absolutely crucial. So while we binge watch stuff together on TV, we also have shows that we watch separately. And this “me time” is something we do on a daily basis. This is even more crucial if both parties are in a job.

In the end, I think the best way to describe our relationship is that we are just the best of friends. There is nothing I cannot discuss or share with her. There is nothing I would rather do with someone else and there is nowhere I’d rather be than with her, even if we can’t stop fighting about stupid stuff :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:.

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I have been married 33 and a half years. I asked her to marry me on our first date, and we got wed six months later. Best thing I ever did.
I can honestly say, in all that time, we have only had two major rows… Few other disagreements, for sure, but, she is truly wonderful, and I would be completely lost without her!

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