A few weeks ago we were having some pretty profound and salient conversations about relationships, children and marriage in the General chat thread and I thought it might make sense to start a Relationship Thread specifically for that topic where we can vent or advise in equal measure.
I’ve just been away for a weekend and an increasing amount of my uni mates are getting married and the topic of weddings and wedding costs came up.
I’m of the opinion that the Wedding industry is an exploitative racket with outrageous mark-ups and would personally spend the money on a wedding on the honeymoon instead.
If it were up to me, I’d have a much smaller more intimate wedding in a cute venue with just closest friends and family and then spend the kind of money you would spend on a wedding on a 2-3 week honeymoon. I got the vibe from friends that that’s a fairly outlandish belief to hold but to me it makes so much more sense to spend that sort of money on a 3 week holiday than just 1 day where you’re essentially paying for others to get fucked up and you’re so stressed about pulling it off and being a good host that you don’t get to enjoy it.
My girlfriend on the other hand is the opposite. She’d much rather have a huge, opulent day all about us etc. perfect for posting on instagram but a lower key honeymoon (though she’d definitely take the lux HM if offered haha).
I feel like my idea makes much more fiscal sense, more value for money haha
See I feel like that’s getting increasingly rare these days. Most of my friends paid for their weddings entirely by themselves or with a little help from parents.
I paid for my wedding out of my own pocket and I look back at it and think the amount I spent I could really have used that money a hell of a lot better. I tell anyone I talk to now that if I do get married again, it’s going to be a very small and intimate setting.
I had a big traditional wedding and that shit is expensive. And like you said, the wedding industry is outrageously exploitative. You end up paying thousands upon thousands above what something is really work.
I’m blessed that my brother is a high level director and videographer so he handled the media side of my wedding for free. Which saved me thousands of pounds. And one of my close friend owns a cash and carry so he gifted me hundreds of pounds worth of meat and other foods that my ex-wife’s family cooked. So catering and the media aspect were completely free.
The advice I give all of my friends now is simple - big weddings are a huge waste of money. Buy your house and have a small wedding.
And me and my ex came from poor families so the option of having our families chip in just didn’t exist lol
As per our tradition, guests to weddings chip in with money either instead of or in addition to presents. Usually a 100 per person, some give more. Simple maths is that if you invite 200 peoples you’d break even in the end unless you throw a really lavish one. People are such primates sometimes that they invite more people, even if almost strangers to them, just to pocket some money from the wedding as the bigger the wedding, the more the returns increase. It’s pathetic really.
With weddings, I tend to perceive them as a day when you get everyone you love (plus a few fuckers you love a bit less, I’m sure) together to have a big celebration, ie a particularly special piss up lol. I also hate the idea of having to be selective about who can come and make those tough decisions, I just want everyone to be there. So I feel like we differ there.
However, the wedding industry is a total fucking racket. Like how booking avenue seems to be about five times more fucking expensive as soon as someone’s in a white dress and the word wedding has been mentioned. I very much want to go to a registry office with parents, siblings and a best man or two and the female equivalents, and then go on to a pub with a decent buffet, but not a three course meal for every fucker. I’m also seriously considering lying to the venue and just saying it’s a regular party and not letting them bend me right over, but not sure if this is totally feasible haha.
But yeah, I don’t think that’s very weird at all @Cristo, me and my gf wanna get married and all that jazz, but both of us are quite sickened by the kind of money that the majority seem to spend (tbf I’m talking the majority in our social class/people we know, I can’t speak for everyone). I’d much rather spend the bulk of the mo ey on a banging honeymoon or even practical shit like home improvements. With the money some spend on weddings I could legit convert my big loft and effectively add another floor and a fully fledged room to my flat.
Or I could serve some banging canapés to a bunch of cunts I don’t like all that much. Decisions, decisions
This is exactly it mate. Save the money for yourself, spend it on home improvements or a honeymoon you’ll never forget instead of feeding guests and making sure everyone has plenty of alcohol to drink.
Coming from an Asian family aswell the whole linear approach to life pisses both myself and my girlfriend off.
The day I graduated I had every family member asking me when I’d find myself a girl, then I got a job and the only thing missing in my life was a girl. Eventually I introduced my gf to the family and for past few years all they ever bang on about is when we will get married. Once I hit 25, it seemed like I was taking the piss by not being engaged. It just seems to be the question everyone will ask us when we’re together, and when we respond with a ‘no hurry’ remark it’s reciprocated with repulused glares.
Kids will be on their agenda next and eventually I’ll be smashing my son’s head with a bamboo for not being married
Lellleel is that how she’s selling it to you? About ‘us’? bruh that day isn’t about you whatsoever it’s all about her. That’s the day a lot of women dream about from a young age so yeh denying them of that is a tough way to start off the relationship.
Our situation was different we had a small wedding with just family and friends and had a nice dinner with a ton of champagne ect, not a lot of fan fair. At the time me and my wife agreed upon it and had a like mind, but I can tell she still feels regretful somewhat that we didn’t have the traditional white wedding.
When we got married we decided on a cost saving one tbh.
I put a few noses out of joint by only inviting people who mattered. We had a reception from 2 till 10 and family done most of the food.
People invited went the church and reception. It was personal and a great day. I’m sure some thought it was paltry but we enjoyed it and twenty years later here we are.
I’ve been to expensive weddings but sometimes feel there’s zenith reached that day that you come down crashing into reality that some find hard to accept.
Even as low key as we done is stressful year of planning.
It’s not the day that counts the days,weeks, months and years ahead.
Bottom line please yourselves not others.
Cos my best mate is Asian and 29, the only reason he isn’t getting this level of earache is cos everyone expects his two years older brother to be married first. But he knows as soon as his brother is, that shits gonna change haha
You should tell those aunties to mind their own business, it’s not your fault they’re going through the menopause and have to live vicariously through young’uns like yourself like it’s a real life Star Plus drama.
But then of course we’d eat a big chappal to the face…
