The Joke Thread

Father Christmas comes down the chimney and there’s this fit blonde lying starkers on the fireside rug. She says, “Right, you’ve delivered the kids’ toys, shouldn’t you be on your way?” Santa says, “Well, I can’t get back up the chimney now, can I?”


Nelson was 5’4" tall
His statue/column in London is 16 feet tall

That’s Horatio of roughly 3:1


I asked my North Korean friend about his life & general well being in NK.
He replied - “I can’t complain”


Home Covid Test

  1. Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

  2. If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

  3. If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms that you don’t have Covid.

Last night I did the test nineteen times and all were negative. Tonight I’m going to do the test again because I woke up this morning with a thumping headache and I feel like I’m coming down with something. I’m so nervous.


I visited my friend in his new house the other day.

He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate visitors.


I went out for a meal last night. I arrived a bit early at the restaurant and so the manager said “Do you mind waiting a bit?”

I said “No”.

“Excellent” he said. “Take these drinks to table 9”.

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My cloning experiments finally paid off.

I’m so excited. I’m beside myself.

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