Oh I know. Hence why he is an ex. I am just wondering why I stayed with him so long.
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Whilst you were ill, I would have assumed he would have ignored the crumbs or cleaned them or better yet, made the lunch for you and then cleaned upâŚ
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No. I made him meals. I actually like cooking. And baking. So I didnât mind.
But youâre right. He never did anything for me. Some days I felt so bad, I just couldnât âcook.
So he made dinner for himself. Never for me
Ridiculous, if you like (some) of the same things itâs very little effort to make something for 2 people compared to 1.
At least you recognise it now 
He treated it like a chore as well. Made me feel guilty for not being up to cooking
Saying all this stuff now, I just feel like a knob. Why did I put up with this?
The big blessing is that your ex is your ex now. Sounds like a real selfish character and glad youâre shot of him.
Iâve never liked the idea that someone should be there to serve you at your every need. cook, clean etc etc.
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He used to get home before me as well. In the office I finished at 6pm. I got home at like half 7. After cooking and eating and doing washing up it was like 9. And then I was tired.
But yeah. Now I have an actual life. I can go out without having to check with anyone. I can watch TV without feeling guilty.
He suggested we should try for a baby once. I just carried on taking the pill.
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Crazy!
Well ridâŚ
That is why âlove is blindââŚbut at least you âwokeâ up to it
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That probably tells you everything you needed to knowâŚ
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Question for OAâŚ
Whatâs the worst date youâve ever been on?
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I think its good to ask these questions as they really underline that you deserve better than him and hopefully thinking about this stuff also is useful in considering any future partners (not sure if youâre doing that or not at this point).
But I also think its important not to blame yourself. Lots of people end up staying in bad relationships too long for all sorts of reasons. Your ex sounds like a toxic asshole and thatâs on him, not on you. The most important thing is that you had the sense and the bravery to get out.
I would also make the gentle suggestion that seeing a therapist might help if you are grappling with these questions. We have a great community here full of supportive people but there is no substitute, at least in my experience, for talking with somebody in person who is trained professionally to help you talk through and better understand your feelings and life choices.
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Oh I have one. This guy wanted to show me his car collection. I literally did not give a fuck anyway: But I humoured him, went to what he describes as a mansion. It wasnât.
Anyway. Turns out his car collection was on Grand Theft Auto.
And another first date, this guy chatted to me about a toe fetish. Not immediately, but half way though mains he asked if my toes were painted. And then he went on about feet. He told me that sucking my toe would feel like a massage.
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I actually am doing this. I have been struggling. But I am doing better now
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Wtf? Thatâs absolutely ridiculous.
good lad
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It wasnt a bad date in terms of how things went between the two of us, but I once went to see The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas as partnof a date.
About as far from a date movie as you can get 
After that I always made a point of at least understanding the nature of the film Iâm agreeing to go and see lol
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Happy.
That is actually one film where I think it is better than the book. The film touched me because I know that kind of thing really did happen. Obviously genocide. But I mean, Jewish people and non Jewish people making friends. Espcially children, because they donât know and donât care. The right way to be.
Anyway, yeah, that is awful date material.
You are overthinking.
I have indulged in this and I have seen others who do that. At some point, you need to work to stop thinking about such instances and forget about your ex altogether. Relying on finding incidents to curse/justify yourself wonât do you any good.
These are normal day to day incidents that we donât make much of at the time. Often a fleeting insignificant moment that a partner makes a non-sensical comment that he/she himself will acknowledge was just a comment made without much thought or consideration (or it would have some minor nuance attached to it that you have forgotten about it by now). Even successful relationships have these moments.
If you didnât make much of it at the time, there wasnât much into it.
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I disagree, I think it boils down to respect or rather lack of respect. I think in relationships people can often accept being disrespected/treated poorly because the are âinâ the relationship and in love, words and actions hurt but are accepted. Over time they add up to misery.
In hindsight, you look back and wonder how you could ever have accepted that.
Relationships arenât all roses but when you are ill, you are at your weakest, that is when you need your partner the most - even just for support.
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Mine are all in my teens when I had zero game or nous about dating.
One time I was out with this girl and she talked to another guy she knew for like 2 seconds saying hello, I got very jelly for no reason and refused to talk to her throughout the rest of date. She tried making conversation whilst we were at Nandos but I just gave one word or no response and acted like an downcast emo until the end. Even had her split the bill 50/50 out of spite
Needless to say, she wasnât up for a second dateâŚ
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