It’s either an English thing, or a phrase used by us oldies
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I’m still more early 30s than mid to late I guess, but yeah, and I plan to be that for a while, at the very least for another decade.
I can’t speak to cultural differences, but in Spain a 50s man with some success in his career and financial independence will always have his market. There’s absolutely no fucking rush.
Especially when you consider that you’re far more likely to take care of yourself and stay fit single than you are tied down.
Unless kids are an important part of your life goals, you don’t need to be asking this question for approximately another 10 years.
Yeah I made the decision to remain single till late 30s atleast.
I have no desire to get married and there is no point pushing for it either.
No offence mate but you’re sound like an adolescent or an early 20 yr old at best in your thinking. This isn’t the victorian era or turn of the century Spain or Italy, nor were you married or going off to war or even had kids. If she’s an attractive girl she’ll be fucking some other guy within a few weeks, if she isn’t already, it’s just the way it is, an attractive girl is never short of guys behind her, and she’s 99% just saying that to be nice seeing how broken up about it you are, and even if she does mean it she won’t carry it out in actual practice, because that’s just not how we work.
I know what it means to be in love and not be interested in other girls no matter how hot they are, but that will go away with a proper night out and some beers or some drugs if necessary. I know it’s glib but go do something like that–I know it’s hard in quarantine times, so get drunk by yourself or with just one friend if necessary and start to chat up some girl from your bench once you’re rather wasted–because you’re 99.9% kidding yourself if you think she’s not doing the same. I read over a bit last night your story but being brutally honest I’d assume she’s fucking your friend, it’s weird behaviour if not (unless they are long-term friends or something, and you guys met through them), and the fact that she left you over something so small suggests she was probably just looking for a pretext. Girls in love don’t leave you even if you’ve cheated on them whereas a girl that’s over you will leave you for the smallest of pretexts.
While I’m being brutally honest–I think for a good cause because you’re my age and you need to wake up and should’ve learned these lessons a long time ago–it sounds like you are giving off way too much of a desperate/needy overly lovey/saccharine vibe to girls. Girls only demand that when they’re not getting it, and they’re much more attracted when they’re demanding it/complaining about it and not getting it than in the reverse case. You gotta learn a bit about the art of negation. As we say in Spanish, pasa de ella–be well over here, hit on other girls in her face, be with other girls in her face–y ya verás como irá detrás de ti–and you’ll see her her coming after you in no time.
Well played Trioncito, too many of my friends give into this vague social pressure and are miserable for it, not even really knowing why or having clear reasons for their behaviour, just basically submitting to the vague, looming social pressure.
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I agree with some things you’ve said but I’m
Honestly not sure about her getting with anyone else, it just doesn’t strike me as how she would be at all honestly, with how I know her. I think you’re being pretty harsh on her there man.
As for the friend, yeah I’m still not sure what to think about that mostly just for her going inside at this time… I told her it absolutely messed with me but several of her friends that night just weren’t responding to her and her mum was driving her insane with being unsympathetic to her being in absolute pieces. So in a way I’m glad he was there for her.
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It’s quite possible man, I literally know nothing about her except for the facts you’ve laid out, I can just tell you the bolded thinking is very dangerous and the typical kind of thinking you’ll look back on and regret. It may be right, but the odds are against it. You’re in love, you necessarily think “”“poorish”“” behaviour is beyond her, it’s a literal symptom of your being in love.
Hi Gio, you replied to me on here, I read it but you seem to have deleted it. Nothing to be ashamed of in front of friends mate. Anyway it seems the main hobby you embraced was because of her. That means you aren’t actively looking to enjoy yourself with things you enjoy doing. You might enjoy joing a hockey side after lockdown, reading or spoken books, or working out out, or going for runs, or hiking up mountains, or playing chess, playing video games, hiking, hunting, cooking (you’re Italian after all), camping, gardening
As for ACs thoughts, I largely agree with them. Except it doesn’t matter if she’s having sex with 1 or 20 guys or zero guys. Ultimately she’s rejecting yourself whatever she’s doing. You can’t stay loyal to someone who doesn’t want you anymore. And that isn’t necessarily any knock on yourself. This is her way of playing the field. Which most people and animals do.
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Well it was always my hobby regardless of her. My previous ex said skating around was for little children and I should be a real man and get a real job etc. Always tearing me down. I’ve loved hockey since I was about 8. So it’s always a passion of mine, my ex now just kinda helped faj the flames that were hugely reigniting this past winter with my team playing really well, I wanted to get ice skating again so I did.
Then continued with outdoor skating since lockdown which she massively encouraged and liked to do with me, so while yes, it’s my passion, it massively reminds me of her.
As for her getting with anyone else I guess just part of me is stupidly hoping she realises that I can be the man for her (maybe I can maybe I can’t maybe I really can’t, right now I know I can but I’m not sure she knows that, or wants to even consider it). So to think of her with anyone else just absolutely rips me apart, even if she is single, it reflects truly her feelings for me.
I shouldn’t care, deep down I know I shouldn’t, but I don’t want to be the kind of man to suppress all feelings to the point of never feeling any emotions in future.
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I think the dating game will be live (to coin a contemporary phrase) once lockdown restrictions are over. Whether that’s in a few weeks or in the cold, dark winter, I’m almost certain you’ll find someone new then.
(I know I originally said I wouldn’t say that there are “plenty more fish in the sea” but even in the space of a week, you seem like you’ve come on leaps and bounds. There appears to be an acceptance and you’re now willing to give yourself to change)
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I don’t know man, I’d take her back in a heartbeat, I’d do anything to be with her so long as I don’t compromise myself and who I am in doing so, but I know I was capable to be the man for her I just got my timing wrong. So yeah I’m keeping my distance and not reacting to anything she’s doing or anything she posts if I stumble on it, but it is stirring me up inside not to just have a regular convo with my best friend.
Isn’t it lit? lol
But yeah, you’re totally right there. Even now if you’ve got some girls on your bench it’s a brilliant time to pounce, people are very fed up of being solitary.
This is a good reason why your best friend should probably be of the sex you’re not attracted to, or someone you couldn’t conceivably have sex with: romantic relationships have an expiration date, friendships don’t (well, except for death, but yeah, lol). These break ups are going to be doubly hard for you as long as your girlfriend is your best friend.
It sounds like there’s a number of things you could benefit from working on with a psychologist mate, I can say from my experience when I have been most reliant on women to reinforce my self-esteem it’s typically when I’ve been most unhappy in my life. It’s good to feel attractive and wanted and to be socially and sexually adept, but for those of us who maybe don’t have that core self-esteem that others do, and need more constant reinforcement, you also have to worry about becoming reliant on it to feel good about yourself. Working on that ‘core self-esteem’ or being more aware of the reasons why I don’t have as firm that as others is one of the best things I got from working with one, it sounds like it could be potentially helpful in your case.
Damn
I really am being unmasked today 
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The truth lol. You could run riot and a lot of women wouldn’t dream of leaving you because of how much they love you but if they’re not in it they’ll leave you because you breathe too loudly lol.
AC is completely right though. When you’re too intense, women don’t like it and they never will. I don’t think I’ve ever liked or loved a woman more than she’s liked / loved me and if I have then I certainly haven’t even shown it. The fact is - most women find that shit unattractive so you have to find a balance and just learn not to get too intense and too invested.
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That’s a bit frustrating because for a long time she was super intense with me, and I guess yeah I was more passive during those times than possibly I should’ve been.
I was quite intense during the breakup because of how much it was ruining me, and obviously the odd situations afterward, I got out of control slightly I guess.
We have talked since and it has been amicable and pretty chilled, this was Sunday I think I don’t know days are mixed. So there’s no intensity present from me since. However the damage could well have been/probably absolutely was done.
I think she did want more display of appreciation and affection, and attention at times that selfishly I just couldn’t give her for a while, and maybe you can call me pathetic or anything but I wish I’d have done better by her in that regard.
Okay yeah, maybe I should’ve listened to a few more of you. I hope this isn’t just mental gymnastics and me drawing conclusions maybe ain’t there… but there’s someone at work I HATE. My friends know this, she knows this. Yet shes, in the last few days, followed him on Instagram.
A couple months back I was talking with her about not wanting to work cos of the virus. Said this guy doesn’t give a shit about my health etc etc. She said who gives a fuck about him he’s horrid. Said a few messages later, he’s a nasty piece of work.
Now she’s following him. She was almost as equally vehement in her denial of attraction to the friend she went to the house of the other night, saying ughhhh no not him.
I’m sure you’ve all grown fully tired of this and you’re all gonna be like we told you so etc, but does that big fuck off lie about her opinion of guy I hate, not reflect exactly on what she’s said about the guy she met the other night?
My sister says reading way, way too much into this.
Yeah man it’s just a follow on Instagram
You need to let these girls stop living in your head rent free man
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Appreciate that, thank you. Easier said than done I’m sure many have been here.
I still find it a bit shady but there we go.
Get off fucking Instagram for a start. All this additional anguish you’re now feeling for no fucking reason, cos she followed someone you don’t like. It’s all fucking nonsense. Not your feelings, but social media, it’s bullshit.
You need to cut her out your life right now, and steering clear of social media will be one of the best things you can do, if your lives are so intertwined on there.
I don’t know how anyone gets over someone if they’re watching their exs’s fucking stories for hints that they’re moving on.
Edit: also, if she’s gone and followed someone you hate during this difficult break up, she’s not as great as you think she is. She knows how you’ll feel about that and that you’re likely to realise, and she fucking did it anyway. She’s well within her rights to, but it shows she clearly doesn’t give too many shits in that case.
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Yeah I agree with Jakey on this, @Gio
She’s gone and followed someone she knows you hate as a psychological ploy.
And social media is shit. Facebook, Insta, Snapchat, OA MDC, the lot of em.