With social media ever evolving and turning into a bigger juggernaut by the day, i figured it would be a fun thread to see how everyone navigates it’s rough seas. I had one question in particular that I’ve always wondered about since way back at the start when all we had was Facebook
What are the rules regarding exes and social media friendship? Anyone chime in please with their experiences because I’m a bit baffled. I’m a pretty easy going guy and my wife leans to that side as well. We don’t dig through each other’s profiles and get jealous or ask questions, I’ve honestly no clue if she is still friends with any exes or not. Since even before we were married I had a few exes that I held no resentment towards and vice versa that were mutual on Instagram, no big deal imo.
So part one, what should the hard and fast rule
be regarding old flames?
Second, I often see certain ppl I have a history with recommended as a friend (ngl I’ve sought certain ppl out as well just curious what they are up to) but when sending a request been denied pretty much every time. So yeah, anyone have a clue as to why ancient history would prevent ppl from being cool nowadays? For me it was years ago, I have a family and they do as well, figure water under the bridge by now. Full disclosure I was usually the one being dumped as well mostly due to my own stupidity but still I’d say it was just the inexperience of youth leading to these outcomes.
I don’t use Facebook, only Instagram (and Snapchat).
But I have more than a few people on my Instagram who I’ve had a past with and I don’t see the issue in it. Some of my closest female friends are people I’ve been with before so I’m more laid back in that regard.
It’s funny you bring this up because me and some of my guys were talking about this the other day. My friends girlfriend is very close friends with her ex and it bothers him and we all had a big debate in our group about whether it’s cool or not.
I think it comes down to trust. If you trust someone enough, it usually isn’t a big issue.
Although I think I’d have a problem with my partner being really close with someone she had an actual extensive and long term relationship with. Cause I think the underlying feeling will probably always be there.
Yeah, I agree. Theres a big difference to me in continuing to be acquainted with an ex, just to stay in touch, and then actually being close friends. For me I wouldn’t pursue a relationship like that with someone from my past in respect to my wife/significant other. Imo that’s taking it a bit too far.
Yeah understandable, easy if u dont have a long dating history. The question came up in my mind because as I said I sent a couple friend requests to 2 of my exes and I got denied. Which made me wonder, either I have an unrealistic view of it, or maybe they think I’m like some crazy ex stalker or something? Lol, I dunno maybe @SRCJJ and I are different than most in that we don’t harbor an resentment towards our exes?
It could be that their current partners are monitoring their activity and they don’t want any unnecessary drama. Doesn’t necessarily have to be out of resentment.
Facebook is a load of shit. Insta is good for keeping a running ‘album’ going (if you damage your phone/lose your pics, IG can act as a store). I literally don’t see the point of snapchat except for saucy shit. In fact, I could count on one hand just how many of my 30+ mates have snapchat.
I think with exes and even just friends of a bygone age, it might be better not to reconnect. That’s how life was lived before, generations before us. We’re now looking backwards to reconnect (What’s that going to achieve, truthfully speaking?) when we ought to be looking forward.
I just hope that, post-lockdown, we’d all make more of an effort to be with friends and family and forge new connections. Forget the past, forget social media. Let’s live for the here and now
(Sorry @BigWeng_4LYFE this post wasn’t a dig. Apologies if it looks that way)
I don’t have my ex partners on social media but that’s a combination of them being bitter at me or their current partners not being cool with it. Myself personally I’m not fussed if my fiancée does or doesn’t, to tell you truth I don’t know if she has them or not.
I do have one person on my social media that was into me no end, my fiancée didn’t like it at the start, but the fact she lives in Canada and is now in a longterm relationship makes her not mind as much.
I’ve just personally never seen any need to keep in contact with exes. For me I’ve only ever had one ex and we did keep in touch as our breakup was pretty mature. To be honest though, she did cut me off pretty brutally once she moved on with her new fella. I wasn’t best pleased at the time but totally got it once I finally moved on.
In my current relationship, although we both have full trust, I’ve seen hints of jealousy when I’ve spoken to her too much about a particular female (a mutual friend) completely harmlessly.
Sorta went off topic there but in a nutshell I’m very selective with my friends so have absolutely no need to be on social media and I massively benefit from it. I’ve been off it all ever since I graduated in 2013. But that’s just me.
I think that question depends on personal experience too. I have had very bad experiences with exes keeping in contact. Because of that I did ask my current partner if she still speaks/sees her ex . It’s a bit paranoid, but still…
I’m only on Facebook out of the various platforms, and I only got it in 2007 so I could be friends on it with a girl I fancied that I met at our interviews at Magdalen college lol. Other than that, I don’t do social media.
I’m still in my first long term relationship, coming up to eight years this autumn, so things aren’t very complicated for me in terms of exes. Got a few women on there who I once had fairly casual things with, but obviously it’s no issue, as basically nobody I know of my age actually posts photos/statuses etc, so it’s not like there’s much, if any, interaction to be had. Unless you go out your way to create it, which I’ve got no interest in doing.
I guess the etiquette depends on your relationship, ultimately. If you’re in a trusting relationship and you’re both mature and well behaved, there shouldn’t be many issues. If you’re the kind of person tempted to stray, or immature enough to pick fights and belittle exes for being a fat cow these days or for their little penises, because there’s still some sort of feeling there, it’s evidently a bad idea.
As I said, I’ve got no serious exes, so maybe I just wouldn’t get it anyway, but personally I don’t see much appeal in adding exes on social media. It’s all potential downsides with no advantage for me.
Though If I did feel inclined to add them, I’d probably be sending a message alongside it. If they simply receive a friend request and nothing else you’ve left it all open to interpretation, and there could be a range of possible motivations being ascribed to your action. Is he still weird about the break up? Has he remembered I still have his third generation iPod and he wants it back? Has he broken up with his partner and wants to reminisce? Is he creeping, trying to start up an affair behind his wife’s back? Could be a range of reasons why those requests are going ignored, some of which might be based purely on incorrect assumptions about your motives.
. It’s a bit paranoid, but still…