You’re probably right, but based on when I was applying for unis (about a decade ago) I was surprised to hear that Newcastle actually had one of the highest numbers of public school kids enrolled. Received wisdom at the time from my public school mates I made at Warwick was that the kids who didn’t make Oxbridge often ended up at Newcastle. But as I said, you’re still gonna be right on this, just thought it might be of interest cos it surprised me a lot at the time.
@Stroller this thread is bringing up a hell of a lot of memories for me mate, this could get pretty rambly and a bit of a personal account, but I think it’s pretty relevant and may be of some help, even if only to hopefully make you feel better about your son’s situation (I hope).
When I went to uni there was an element of a bit of a culture shock. I happened to fall into a crowd of predominantly public school people, and even those who weren’t, they often went to fairly posh grammar schools, a world apart from my appalling East London comprehensive (shout out to @Hassan who went to the same secondary school and can back me up on its quality lol). So even though I’m pretty middle class (and was one of the only “posh” kids at my secondary school in my year) when I got to uni I got some stick for the fairly urban influences on my accent and the kind of slang I used. Luckily it was mostly good natured banter, and I was on occasion cocky enough to fire back with quips about still ending up at the same uni as then despite not having parents spend five figure sums a year on my schooling, which shut them up and made them laugh, so it never really felt like they were trying to make me feel like a bit of an outcast. Though at first there was a part of me that slightly struggled with the feeling of not being sure I really fit in, especially after coming from a schooling environment where I absolutely didn’t fit in and actually got properly bullied for it (day to day on a verbal or mental basis, and from time to time physically). I think I thought that once I got to uni I’d be around people just like me, that I’d be totally in my element, and that there wouldn’t be anything that would make me stand out as different to my contemporaries. But I think we were all just eighteen year olds who were often previously big fish in smaller ponds, and we got to uni and were trying to establish ourselves in a much bigger pond, trying to make sense of our new environments. It was like that for much of first year, but everyone does a fair bit of growing up quite quickly, and I felt that a lot of the bravado and desperation to prove oneself died down in most people, which is what I think is often the cause of people digging out others for their background or accents or anything else. Though of course some people are just cunts, but hopefully these aren’t the people your son is surrounded by.
So I am hopeful that your son finds this becomes less of an issue as this academic year goes by, and even more so in his second and third years if he is happy and comfortable with staying there and continuing with his course.
That’s not to say that you should both sit back and just see how it goes, not by a long stretch. It’s actually brilliant that your son feels able to come to you and share his feelings, and go to his tutors and medical professionals to seek help. That’s the most important thing he can do at this stage, it shows a real maturity on his part, a lot of emotional intelligence. Which I wish I had ten years ago when I first went to uni. I was depressed, fell behind on my work, and basically barely engaged with my course. I threw myself into the nightlife and all that comes with it to a bit of an unhealthy extent, and did the absolute minimum I could to avoid getting kicked out, but nothing that would actually benefit my education. Having always been a high achiever at school and college, it felt awful to be failing, and I didn’t feel able to talk to my parents about it, or my friends, or even any of the tutors. I ended up miraculously managing an almost unheard of feat, I managed to not get kicked out until deep into my third year, so I’m the only person I’ve ever met who managed to go to uni for three years and leave without a fucking degree. I then spent about two years doing temp jobs and retail work, as well as some lengthy periods of unemployment, basically thoroughly depressed the whole time (and even then I still didn’t seek any professional help ffs)
So what you’re telling me about your son reminds me of a lot of feelings I had at uni, but the difference is, he’s acting on them after about four months, whereas I didn’t deal with my issues for about four years. I feel like your son will be absolutely fine, because he is clearly smart and mature, and is willing to actually make use of the support network he has around him, unlike me. It’s great that he’s talking to you about it, but also that he’s making use of the pastoral care provided by his tutors. They’ll have had hundreds of kids who have had these exact same issues in their first year, it’s honestly so common, and they’ll be there to guide him through the first year and make sure he is in a good place from his second year I really kick on with the harder work and get that degree. So in terms of him being behind with his work after a few months, I really wouldn’t be too concerned by this at all. I know countless people (including myself of course) who scraped through first year by the very skin of their teeth, and unlike me all of them went on to get those degrees with minimal fuss. Academically, in most courses first year doesn’t even count towards your final grade, you’ve just got to pass it. And unis will go to some lengths to make sure their students do continue to their second years.
In terms of his mental health and happiness, my advice would be just to make sure that he knows that whatever happens in the end, it’s OK, you’re their to support him and this does not constitute a failure on his part, even if he decides to drop out entirely. If he’s like me, the worry about being a failure will be a huge part. I wish someone told me in my first year that it was fine if I was struggling with the massive change in my life, and that it would even be OK to drop out and return to education in a more suitable environment for me, at a time when I was ready to truly commit to it. If I’d done that I wouldn’t have wasted about four years of my life. I’m happy with where I am now in life, but sometimes I can’t help but think about how much better I could be doing if I started my full time career six years earlier like many of my friends did (I ended up going back to uni at 24, getting my degree and then starting my full time career in 2017).
Its also fairly common for people to switch unis too after a year, that’s a feasible option if he is ready to commit to university, but just isn’t happy in Newcastle. He really sounds like he’d excel in the right environment.
The most important thing for the moment is that he is talking to medical professionals, you and also his tutors. He’s doing everything right, which makes me optimistic that he will be just fine. I really can’t emphasise enough that he sounds like an emotionally mature teenager, and you should take a lot of heart and encouragement from that. Easy for me to say from this position of being totally removed from the situation emotionally, but I think this will work out for him in the end, because he’s handling his issues like an adult (well, handling it better than many adults tbh)
I don’t have kids so feel a bit uncomfortable giving what amounts to parenting advice, but I would make sure that he knows that however this ends up, it’s OK, that he absolutely should not carry any sense of failure. So many kids go through this when they get to uni, and whether they persist with the course, drop out to take stock and return later, switch unis, or ultimately decide university isn’t for them, as long as they deal with the situation appropriately, it will all be fine in the end. Let him know your support is unconditional, and that you’re proud of him for opening up and dealing with his difficulties, and that whatever course of action he feels is best for him, it will all be OK in the end because he has all the tools to succeed in life, he just needs an environment where he is happy and able to flourish. IMO there’s not much more you need to be doing for him. Lots of kids in his shoes don’t have a supportive dad/parents, you’re already giving him that and that’s probably what he needs most imo.
PS, I did promise it would be fucking rambly 