You don’t feel better about it because you were doing someone else’s job for them, a job they are being paid to do.
I wouldn’t feel better about that either 
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So I just got signed off work today for 4 weeks due to a depression (+anxiety) that I haven’t been able to shake for 2 months now, as well as a referral for a therapist. I feel quite guilty due to the timing as it’s right over Christmas and I’m worried about what people are going to think, but then at the same time my role is not a time sensitive/time critical one and it gets totally dead after the 15th Dec for me anyway. This is arguably the best time for my company to have me off as it’s so quiet but regardless I do feel pretty bad about it.
I’ve had depression before but usually I’m able snap out of it after a week or two but this has been a bad one that has lasted since October. I know exactly what triggered it - I missed out on a job offer after months of interviews and basically being told it was in the bag. From June to October I interviewed with the COO (x2), Head of HR, CEO and Founder for a scale up - last step was to fly me out to their HQ in Europe to basically meet face to face and sign the contract. A few days before the trip they contact me to tell me due to the global recession they’ve had to employ a hiring freeze and stop their expansion for the foreseeable.
I was devastated as this was a really good opportunity for me and I’ve been looking to get out of my current job for a long time. A new manager who I don’t like, a new CEO implementing shitty new policies (no social events at the office, no WFH etc.) has crashed morale for everyone myself included, raised targets 50% last year which when I met them was responded to by raising targets again for next year, they can’t afford a pay rise, they can’t afford to give me my full bonus I’m entitled too, there’s no career development or career path for me, I don’t really have a mentor or anyone guiding me etc. so I was just so ready to leave. Then the rug was pulled out from under me.
I look at all my other friends who are on really promising career tracks, getting promoted, earning loads of money, buying properties etc. and it just absolutely sucks the energy out of me. Especially with everything going on in the world around us right now, I just feel like my partner and I are falling behind our friends. I get really, really stressed out about my future and what kind of life I’ll be able to provide for my partner and family.
I’ve been having a few disagreements with my girlfriend as well recently about my reluctance to attend social events and gatherings (although she has since become more understanding). My social energy is usually very high and I’ve always got time for new friends and old but ever since this depression has kicked in, I find myself only really able to find the energy for my oldest and best friends. I really don’t have the spark needed to go out and entertain a bunch of people I’ve never met or people I’ve only met a few times before/aren’t very close friends.
I guess it doesn’t help that I’m normally quite a loud and outgoing character who usually ends up in a lot of conversations at work/parties and kind of being the “life of the party”, so when I don’t feel like I can do that I feel guilty. It’s kind of like the joke about the depressed man, and the doctor tells him the cure is to see the funniest clown in the world who cures all depression and then the depressed man says “But I am that clown”.
People in the office will often say to me when I’ve been on holiday or on a work trip how nice it is to have me back as it’s been so quiet without me or they’ve missed my jokes , my energy etc. but sometimes it feels so exhausting to have to be the guy that keeps everyones spirits up even when your own aren’t. People sometimes get a bit indignant or upset with me if I don’t feel like going out or doing something as I’m often the person that keeps the party going etc. and I don’t want to let others down but at the same time I just feel so drained and burnt out. Then I’ll go and have a shit time and drink too much to get through it (fake it until I make it) and then I’ll feel shit about not being on good enough form for the others so it’s just a vicious cycle.
I guess I’m just worried that because I’m always the bubbly, exuberant, outgoing character at work that they’ll just think I’m faking, when really I’m actually hurting on the inside and will often close the door to my office pretending I’m on client calls when really I’ve got my head slumped on the desk staring at the wall for ages or lying on the floor staring at the ceiling just spiralling deeper into this depression.
So yeah, there we go. Some days are good, some days are bad. Sometimes I think about hurting myself, but thankfully I never do even though it’s been fine margins sometimes. Putting it into writing helps though, and knowing that at least some people know the extent of how I feel even if they’re a bunch of online Gooners lol
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I can relate to being distraught on missing out on a good job opportunity.
It does suck and a time off is a good solution. Have fun or recover soon.
Something my national lead told me recently which has kinda resonated with me ever since (and she said it far more eloquently than this)
When all is said and done, you never really look back to a job you never got.
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@Cristo really sorry you are feeling this way and hope you get to where you need to be, all I can say is life isn’t a competition and it doesn’t matter what your friends do in life its who you are that matters.
Give your girlfriend extra hugs and kisses and your cute little dog the same, it’s love for you is unconditional 
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Everyone thinks their friends are doing better than them, simply because they’ve told you they are.
But often, it’s the people like them, who are outwardly confident, that have insecurities.
The fact you can talk about it means you’re not hiding your insecurities and are motivated to change the situation.
Although it might not seem like it now, everything will be fine.
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Isn’t this a red flag though?
It shouldn’t take this long to vet a candidate. I usually get turned off by indecisiveness, if the procedure takes more than a month.
If it takes too long, it is a non-critical luxury job opening that the company considers for the purpose of work diversification. Usually one of first position that gets laid off in an event of crisis.
Is it a norm in Europe? Was it a high-profile job which needs 4 months of scrutiny?
I’m sorry to hear it bud.
I know how you feel with talking about your friends.
I am just increasingly of the view that there is no future here in Tory Brexit UK.
Hate me for making it political, but that’s how I feel.
It would have been unthinkable a few years ago but now I am increasingly looking at opportunities abroad.
I think if your sector is amenable to that then you should go for it.
Obviously family is a big thing keeping us where we are. I’m trying to navigate that.
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That rat race stuff would affect my mental health as well.
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Yeah absolutely I think the political and economic situation is also a factor. I don’t think I’ve ever had such a pessimistic outlook on the future for Britain as I do now.
@Jesseviolin @InvincibleDB10 thanks chaps, I know - life is a marathon not a sprint, sometimes it’s just challenging to think of it in those terms.
@Trion it did become a red flag to me after a while, but they explained it away as follows: they were growing and expanding so quickly and on-boarding so many people that it was slowing down their processes significantly.
They were growing from 30 people to ~90 this year alone. But yeah it did at times feel like they were shit testing me to see how dedicated I was.
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Ever thought about a career change? Maybe take a couple of years and do something different.
Because for me, my mental health is non negotiable. It should be for you as well
I have, very much so, I’m not really a corporate guy at all but did that boring thing your parents tell you to do of “getting a good job”.
I’m 32 now though and not sure if I have what it takes for a career pivot, feel like I missed my chance.
I haven’t read a more stupid sentence today, and I’ve been right through the racism thread!
55, 43 and 45. That’s the age me, my brother and my dad changed our careers. And we all wish we had done it sooner.
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I was older than that when I did my teacher training. Depends if the career pivot is cos you feel too old or if you just don’t have the energy for it.
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At 32 I was a homeless degenerate.
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@Cristo I did nothing but fuck around (metaphorically) the world until I was 30. Is there a chance that some of your philosophical values are being affected by your environment, resulting in stress?
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Part of his stress is watching his friends do better financially than him.
A career pivot will set him back.
I don’t think he is unsatisfied with his work, but rather unsatisfied with his compensation; which a change or two will fix.
There is no need for a career change here.
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Bruce Lee had just made his piece de resistance in Enter the Dragon.
Alexander of Macedonia cried salt tears because he had no more worlds left to conquer.
Eric Bristow was a multiple time world darts champion.
All at 32.
Shame on you.
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Jesus had his peak between 30-33
Pires also 
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Honestly mate been struggling with what to say, still got no idea how to really respond after reading your comments the third time, but I do want to say thanks for being brave and telling us about what you’re going through.
Look at the amount of love you got from that bunch of online gooners you hardly know, shows how you make an impression and in the short time I’ve been here thought you were always a genuinely good chap.
It’s good that you can recognise how you’re feeling and take action towards helping yourself rather than doing something you can’t take back. I really hope the bit of time off work helps and it might give you the perspective you need in relation to your job, as that seems to be the piece of your puzzle you’re most unhappy with at the moment. None of us can tell you what to do re: career change, job change, stick at it etc. People can only give their experience as advice to help you think.
I do understand how you feel it’s too late to change career altogether, it’s hard when you’ve got your life fairly settled and probably by comparison to many it’s good right - stable girlfriend, stable paycheck, used to the life you have day to day and don’t want to risk throwing that away. Job hunting can be draining, starting lower on the ladder again can be daunting but, it could also prove refreshing and exciting to change career, and you might find something you actually enjoy. Being honest it doesn’t sound like you need to change, but again it’s something only you can end up deciding rather than your friends/family/online gooners telling you the best option. So take the 4 weeks to think about what option would make you happiest and go for it mate.
Also, easier said than done but stop comparing to your friends, they probably have a load of shit going on behind their closed doors that you don’t see and think they have it better than you. Even if they do get their promotion or their life moves faster, who cares? Drive at your own pace and do what makes you happy. Sounds like you’re the one everyone wants to be around and that should tell you a lot.
I hope you’re okay bud and you find a way to pull through this soon.
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