Stan Kroenke's fuccbois vs Cherrypicking OAP Cunts

Premier League
Saturday 9 September, 15:00
Emirates Stadium, London

Not televised, get used to that boys and girls.

Memorable Moments

Not really sure Arsenal Bournemouth is a fixture legends are made of, really.

Here’s where we drew 3-3 with them last season. I suppose that’s kind of memorable, for all the wrong reasons.


Here’s a picture of Eddie Howe thinking about Arsenal and our transfer window

Interesting Facts about Bournemouth

Did you know Eddie Howe has a 6th toe on his right foot?

Bournemouth has the highest number of Old Age Pensioners in the UK per capita

Bournemouth has one of the highest levels of pension savings in the country

Bournemouth has one of the highest pension annuity purchase rates in the country

Bournemouth has the 2nd highest death rate in the UK

On 23rd July 2026, Bournemouth will be the 27th closest place to the moon in the UK

Bournemouth also has a very long beach

Pictures of past Arsenal players that will make you think “oh thank god, I can’t believe he used to play for us I suppose things could be worse after all” until you realise that Oxlade Chamberlain turned down £180,000 a week because he wanted to leave so badly and then the day after Wenger comes out and says we don’t have money for salaries oh and Walcott might actually be a legitimate starter for the club now

Even he couldn’t believe we kept him round that long. Specialty was his 5 yard sideways passes that got him 97% pass accuracy on Opta every week.

Maruoane “Jesus christ just accept that you’re going bald and shave it for fucks’ sake” Chamakh. Probably the only striker in history who’s YouTube greatest hits compilation featured more clips of him missing than actually scoring.

Had a forehead and receding hairline so big that it was once considered as a replacement for Centre Court at the Wimbledon finals. Also, that miss against Bradford.

After Lurch got the sack for sniffing Morticia Addams’ knickers when he thought no-one was home, he decided to try his hand at professional football and was giving a role as Lumbering Oaf in Chief at Arsenal.

hey gays

Manchester United’s very own trojan horse, and in my opinion, the footballing version of Trump making Mexicans pay for the wall to keep them out. Remember when he had to face up against Messi? Shit times, shit times.

Line Up

Given the shit circumstances surrounding the club, at least we don’t have to play every single player out of position to accommodate Ox at RWB any more.

And given the absolute shit-fest of the last few weeks, we should probably give up on something as revolutionary and exciting as 3-5-2 and go back to 4-2-1-3 or whatever the fuck we used play, 4-3-3 or 4-2-3-1 it all fucking blurs anyway (although we were just as shit in that formation last season).


Barca DNA-----------Doesn’t Want To Be Here--------------Kosc-----------------Bosnian Hitman

-----------------------Swiss Liability-------------------Welsh Liability---------------------------------------

------------------Fuckin’ Sick PR team (but ultimately doesn’t want to be here)--------------------------

Welbz, dat guy-------------Regrets not going to Atletico-----really, REALLY, Doesn’t Want To Be Here


We’ll probably win, but that won’t mean anything. Nothing will have changed and the catastrophic and systemic issues that eats away at the core of Arsenal’s being like stage 4 pancreatic cancer will remain.

Have a good week.


Cristo lad, you’re a shining light in a world full of Wengerite despair. :cristo:

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Unbelievable mental belief to come back from 5-2 down. Title back on.


Because it’s a three o’clock kick off?

Or do you mean it isn’t being televised anywhere in the world?

Because it’s a 3pm kick off.

My snark was meant to imply that in the future we won’t be getting many televised games because we’re so shit no-one will want to watch us so Sky and BT put us down the pecking order.


We’ll go 1-0 down and Anthony Taylor will send Wenger off for telling him to fuck off again.

We’ll get the equaliser and then score a 92nd minute winner - a Giroud header (who else?!). Our season will be back on track, for a week anyway.

We’ll win this easy, momentarily papering over cracks.

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Great OP :smile:

We’ll win unconvincingly.

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Great match post.

This is a must win game for Wenger and more importantly to see how Sanchez and Ozil perform.
The game after is against Chelsea, so if we don’t win this, the pressure in the next game will be immense.
We should win fairly comfortably.
I’ll go 2-0, Lacazette and Ramsey.

yup we will win this game comfortably only to be absolutely shamed off the pitch next match against chavski, you know how it goes with these twats!

Grannies aside, Bournemouth is a fantastic night out.


Yeah it is. Smokin’ Aces is a great bar.

Sixty Million Postcards is really fun too. I got so drunk in there once that I started getting really arsey and lippy with a bar manager who was telling my friends off for being too rowdy and he was totally within his rights to do so and I still feel terrible about it haha

Great OP :joy: We should thrash them, our season will be back again, for a week

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@Cristo you’re a funny cunt mate

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1-0. We’ll be shit though.

Bournemouth win.

The players aren’t playing for him. Bournemouth were also very unlucky to lose to Manchester City.

Crisis increased ten folds

3 games, 0 points. I think they might take something. :giroud3:

And if they do, a player will come out and say “they wanted it more”. :theo:

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Prediction - we draw, losing the lead late… B’mouth look like the new Stoke (I am not kidding) - they were animals against City… can see Sanchez getting hurt, Ramsey pulling up lame with hammy, and Ozil folding like a tent. AW will throw Giroud on late to try to get it back and we will batter them but not break through.

Seriously though - think we will win, but it will be a rough, rough game and I do expect at least one minor injury.

The stars are aligned for an almighty media/fan meltdown if Arsenal fails to win this, given it would probably drop us down into the relegation zone for the first time (in how long?)

Luckily it’s Bournemouth at home so we’ll be alright :speak_no_evil:


We will edge a win in this game but we won’t keep a clean sheet, then we will likely get a win in the Europa League before we cop our annual pasting at Stamford Bridge. 3-2 Arsenal.

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