Gabriel Martinelli

Full name Gabriel Teodoro Martinelli Silva
Date of birth 18 June 2001 (age 18)
Place of birth Guarulhos, Brazil
Height 1.80 m (5 ft 11 in)
Playing position Forward
1 Like

Excited to see us farm him out on loan for 5 years to second division Spanish sides before he inevitably gets released.

6 Likes

SIIIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

8 Likes

Can anyone actually tell me anything about how or is he just anther Campbell/Wellington Silva etc.?

1 Like

SIIIIUUUUUUUUUUU

4 Likes

Is this the player we had to wait until the Adidas kit launch for, before we announced him?

6 Likes

From what I’ve read / seen of him, he is quite easy to notice on the the football pitch - his face has two eyes, one nose and one mouth. He also has a chin. His name has a staggering total of 7 vowels in it - quite remarkable.

In terms of playing style, he kicks the ball with his foot and favours heading the ball when it is played to him at head height. He very rarely uses his hands but occasionally does when taking a throw-in or when having a wank. He has excellent technique on the latter.

From a physical perspective, he can sprint faster than a typical 9 month old baby. He also has height on his side - he dwarfs your average tortoise. Strength-wise, he can get himself on and off the shitter without any external assistance. When squeezing out a particularly hench log, the veins on his forehead may sometimes pulsate / throb.

What we’ve bought here is a very promising footballer. I don’t know his age or nationality though, you’ll need to ask another football expert for that info.

26 Likes

:joy::joy:

No need to.
Everything I need to know was written in your very detailed and analytical post.
You have given us a great insight into a promising young player.

What I most liked about your appraisal of him, is that you didn’t just copy and paste off of Wikipedia.
It was all your own work. :wink:

2 Likes

Welcome Gabby!

Ooooooooh Gabby-Gabby, Gabby-Gabby-Gabby Agbonlahooooooor

Im going to wait till he starts shaving before I have any expectation. Hope he enjoys the school holidays here in London.
That picture in Leicester square must mean he has been the m and m shop, so thats a start for him.

3 Likes

A SIGNING!!!

5 Likes

I feel like I really know the lad now thanks to @Sol’s very informative post :arteta:

Hoping he’s going to be one of those total under the radar signings and absolutely blitzes it for us. Is he eligible to play straight away or does he have to be farmed out for a visa?

1 Like

Very incomplete analysis, I expected better from you Sol.

Where is the fried chicken metaphor for him?

An essential bit of info for a player

2 Likes

It’s hard to get excited about signing these kind of players anymore, we’ve seen them completely fail so many times over the years, best of luck to him though

2 Likes

If by these kind of players you mean odd strikers no one’s heard of I agree, but if you mean just young kids, at least Gonzo and Holding look alright don’t you agree?

Arsenal really needs to stop with announcing these youth players in this manner.

2 Likes

In what manner?

An announcement across social media channels like this means something. It’s not like we will see this kid a lot anyway in the near future. He will make his minutes in the u-23, if not u-18.

2 Likes

There’s literally nothing wrong with a 22sec clip for a highly rated youngster. :man_shrugging: