Arsenal is not helping

The Cross Bar
#1

I just lost the last hope of reconciling with the lady I love.
All down to some silly thing and I lost her from my life.
For a whole month, I kept texting but she won’t reply.
I was between despair and hope for a whole month.

And as pathetic as it sounds, the day she started plugging away from social media, I knew we were done, but I couldn’t give up on her. My mind was & is in such a disarray.

I visited her in her city and she was livid that I came unannounced but doesn’t want to take into consideration that she blocked all channels of communication, and i was desperate incase she makes sure she doesn’t meet me
Not a nice conversation and my self respect has taken a hit but it didn’t matter because she was significant in pulling me through a rough patch.

I tried to get a mutual friend to get her to understand but she is too far gone.

I don’t know what to do now. I have lost all hope. I am massively depressed. I remember her in everything. I feel the loss every other minute.i have lost all appetite, so much so that I have lost weight and feel really weak. I haven’t slept well in ages. I have to travel 5 hours to work and those hours I only have her in my thoughts making it extremely hard to think of going to work. I have skipped quite a few days because I couldn’t bring myself to even take the shower.
I am hurting a lot.

I don’t have many friends so I am posting it here. I need an outlet. Can’t tell family despite them showing concern. Can’t tell work to give me work from home. I am not sure how to move on from this without breaking down like I am right now crying at a hotel lobby as time ticks by. I mailed her to meet me & help me get a closure.
I have a flight in 5 hours and I need to depart for airport in an hour and every minute is a stab to my heart as I constantly refresh my mail.

It’s pathetic. I am not a bad person. Never fought, never said anything wrong to her. Such a trivial mistake and no room for forgiveness.

This day will be tough to hold myself straight till I reach home.
I lost someone who loved me. She proposed to me and I can’t tell how much that means to me. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone who loves you on her own will. Not pestered, not arranged just unconditional love and it went away so sharply from me.

I am hoping against all odds that she still responds but it is not going to happen. I am throwing my thoughts out here as an outlet and I will be massively embarrassed to ever come here again.

And what’s the point Wenger and Arsenal make me even more depressed.

Everything has gone for shit. Social media reminds me of her, traveling reminds of her, work reminds me of her, romantic gestures reminds me of her, watching happy couples eats me inside, football doesn’t make me happy, the other day couple of guys were talking about PL and it felt like torture, health has gone, I am lonely, mentally I can’t think straight.

I will move on, I might find someone but I can’t shrug off a feeling that I have lost big time.
The upcoming weeks, months or possible year will be hard to get by.

I wish I could sleep it all off but I can’t . I fear for days ahead.

I don’t know what to do. I still love her. I messed up big time guys.

I will be not self harm but that physical. I have suffered a lot in life and it has taken a toll mentally which took me time to rectify. I just wish that I can keep my sanity and not let my mind get fucked.

Am i a bad person? Does getting dumped signify a flaw in me? I don’t even know the exact detail why this happened. I am speculating. I am constantly reliving those 5 days where it all got messed up. I keep speculating about thing I did and curse myself.
I wouldn’t give a fuck about anyone but when a loved one shuts the door on you, I feel like I am not aware of my flaws and I am not aware if I am a bad person.
I asked her that. I am not a bad person she said.
Then why do I feel like I will never be loved again.
Why do I feel so pathetic?

I used to laugh at people crying after girls and here I am, a grown man, crying in hotel lobby with a running nose.

I want to talk to her, at least to end it on a good note but why does she have to be so insensitive that she won’t even give me that. I don’t know what have I done that she believes there has to be no communication at all. Why does she feel she doesn’t need to inform me about her decision and I have to suffer the paranoia for a whole month and only find it by seeing myself unfriended on Facebook.

Why do I feel she has treated me unfairly yet can’t bring myself to be angry at her?

I am not coherent here much like when I visited her and the anger in her eyes because I came unannounced was killing. I couldn’t get her to sit down because she felt I would possibly hurt her. She stood by her bedroom door just in case I lose it and she could escape to her bedroom. She demanded distance. I could understand her cautiousness yet I felt insulted that she thought I could ever hurt her.

I had an business trip to her city but I decided I will go before so I don’t spoil her weekend. I stood by bus stop at 3am in cold, travelled for 17hours, visited her on Sunday waited for 5 hours at her door step. Her first words on seeing me - what the fuck!!

Not any effort she seems to appreciate. I told her I had a completely paid trip next week but I didn’t want to spoil her weekend but no effect. She doesn’t give a fuck.

Why do I still want her?
Why do I still remember the best times with her?
Why do sleeping reminds me of our time in bed?

It sucks guys. I can’t hate her. She has helped me.
I used to troll you guys because I had a shitty life. She helped me get my life back and now that life is eating me. I can’t stand anything because everything represents her.

I didn’t run away from this place, I just couldn’t
And I just can’t.

I will be alright but I don’t know when.

Sorry if this is a stupid whinning threads suitable for teenage girls who are not mature enough to deal with life issues.
I just needed an outlet.
Thank you.

I hope situation with Arsenal gets better before it gets better for me, so I can be delighted for you guys. I will be delighted for you guys. Sorry if I have ever said anything hurtful to any of you.
I am really sorry about all my stupid comments.

#2

The fuck did I just read.

You are a sick man and you should seek professional help immediately before you turn into a mass murderer or smth.

1 Like
#3

Hey @Trion, it takes a lot of balls to share what you just have, so thank you and well done. By the sounds of it you were in deep with this lass, and unfortunately that’s not going to just pass overnight. You can spend your time crying, drinking, sleeping, not sleeping, whatever, but ultimately none of those things are going to help you move forward. If you’re thinking of doing anything stupid, don’t do anything stupid, do something smart and talk to someone, anyone, a hotline, whatever. There are resources there for that specific reason. If you are determined to chase this bird because you love her with all your heart, by all means, chase her, but at some point if she doesn’t comply, you do have to cut your losses. “If you love it, let it go” and all that shit. The classic cliché: There are plenty more fish in the sea. Billions of them.

Definitely here for you man if you need a chat.

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#4

Turning up on her doorstep like that isn’t cool, it’s called stalking and trust me, most women aren’t really going to appreciate that. Won’t achieve anything for you or her.

Trion if she broke up with you for whatever reason and wants distance then you have to accept that. Delete her from your social media and phone straight away, take up a new hobby and channel your energy into something positive, like getting Arséne out of Arsenal :wink:

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#5

This has the makings of a slasher Or hostage film…

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#6

@Trion Seems you are and will be going through a ruff time. I understand and know the feeling of being so deeply in love with a girl that you don’t know where to turn and what to do when it ends. I recommend you to seek professional help or talk to someone close to you. The fact that she was prepared to flee into the bedroom sends signals that she might be afraid of you. Maybe she didn’t expect this reaction and now she’s seeing a complete different and unknown side of you. I don’t know what happened in your break up but it’s clear she’s afraid and stalking her isn’t helping.

You have to stop trying to contact her and move on. However impossible that feels it’s the only way! It will be hard but eventually you will stop thinking about her. Thanks for sharing and I know it’s hard to listen to advice like this when your in the middle of it all. There’s light in the tunnel and many other girls out there!

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#7

I was not being threatening. I kept my distance and sat on floor to show that I will not touch her without her permission.

In her previous breakup, her ex banged his head on the wall so I guess that explains her safe approach.
Her voice and mannerism was not that of a someone in fear.

Just felt very insulting.

#8

What was the silly thing you did?
Maybe silly to you but not to her…

#9

No woman on earth is worth some of the things you’ve done and the feelings you seem to have for her.

I’m indifferent about what you’ve posted but you’re obviously heartbroken. And if you fucked up the predominant reason you’re so frantic is because she left you because of the things you did and more times than not that puts you in a position of regret and desperation.

But I assure you, the behaviour you’re displaying won’t make her interested in you again. You’re only hope is to distance yourself from her, give her space and if she decides she wants to reconcile with you then she’ll do that on her own accord. But showing up unannounced and putting her in a position where she feels fear is definitely not the way to go about achieving that.

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#10

Maybe Arsenal Fan tv would be a better medium to get your point across to her…Fam,blud,fam… My sympathys are with the girl…she dont want to know, leave her alone…

#11

From all that I read it’s clear she doesn’t want to be in touch with you and rather strongly so.

There is only one way Trion: delete her from your phone, your socials and eventually your mind. It will take time, but it’s the only way. Don’t contact her, ever again. That ship has sailed.

Learn from your mistakes and find someone new. There is a world full of birds. Good luck.

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#12

Not trying to be a dick, but this has totally made my day. I proper LOL’d.

Trion, what you’re going through is (indeed, a rather intense version of) something that happens to most all of us: a break up with your first serious girlfriend/first love. I would try to take solace in the fact that this shit happens to most everybody, and whether you’re dumped or the dumpee the feelings you described of loss, regret, being reminded of the person in all situations etc. are extremely, extremely common…so yeah, your pain is not some special thing, it’s the pain of a large portion of the people on this earth.

The good news is the large portion of people on this earth can all tell you: the regret passes, it turns into not giving a fuck (sometimes very slowly), you stop being reminded of that person by everything (sometimes very slowly) and even sometimes start to get reminded of her and laugh and it be a positive experience, you stop thinking about how it’s really going for that person altogether, except for an odd thought here or there, and start thinking about how it’s going for some other person that comes into your life, etc. etc.

As for the rest, without trying to be patronising, you should really see a psychiatrist, the stuff you describe there is a serious depression that needs to be treated, even moreso if you don’t have anyone in your private life who can help you through this/you can’t tell your parents. I don’t know if there’s a big stigma with seeing a psychiatrist in India, I know there is here in Spain, and there really isn’t in the U.S., and there definitely isn’t in Argentina, I’ve had a few friends who had minor or not quite as minor issues that clearly would be benefited from the help of a psychiatrist here, and it’s extremely hard to convince them, but I would just say that if you are one of these people who is hard to convince and finds a huge stigma in going to a psychiatrist, just get over yourself and do it, it’s not a big deal, it’s not some black mark that will be put on your CV forever, you’ll get someone to tell these thoughts you’re telling on an online forum to in a more appropriate sphere, and more importantly someone who’s going to give you better advice than a bunch of dudes on a football forum, maybe you’ll take a serotonin uptake inhibitor for a short period to get your system back in balance…in short, not a big fucking deal in the least, and nothing you’ll remember with anything but a duh, that was a fucking obvious thing to do 5 or 6 months on…if it helps think that in Argentina parents send completely normal little kids to psychiatrists for who the fuck knows why :thumbsup:

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#13

Bit complicated.

She is a traveller and she likes a partner with whom she is comfortable traveling. So she told me about ‘travel test’.

The first trip was great. We went to hill station, camped out , slept on hammock under stars, long night bike drives, then we took 10 hour bike drive by coastal area to one of my favourite beach where we had a good time and she had her first experience with Bonfire. She even said it was the highlight of her trip that we did the bonfire. I was proud that I taught her how to make one. I enjoyed the hammock she brought with her.
I did realise that she absolutely hates waking up early. Gets very grumpy till noon but later is delightful.
I told her that this trip perhaps had too many stuffs together so we didn’t get proper sleep so she should plan the next trip as per her taste and I get to know what she likes as well.

We were a week away from our trip when she received a call from her friend. Her friend was raped by her husband. She got very disturbed and over course of next few days she had to console her and she was not the same.
I suspect she developed a bit of hatred for men.

The sucker is this was her birthday trip and 3 days before trip, the planning responsibility fell on me.
And on top of it, she asked to explore one more location into our 5 day trip.
The local transport was not going to help accommodate this new location, so I decided to rent the bike.
I can’t discuss this in much length with her because she was not in mood.

So the day arrived, we met at the airport. But something was clearly different about her. Given her situation and she did ask to go in this trip as friends, so I kept respectable distance, didn’t touch her. Just wished her birthday, gave her cake and spoke about books we were reading.

Went to hotel and we were to get the bike next day and drive for 4 hours to our first spot. But the bike, tying luggage, getting ready took so much time that I started getting frustrated that I am going to eat up the whole day of her birthday trip on just driving.
And that’s what happened. We reached barely in time to first spot and managed to see very little of first fort.
We got to our hotel. Stuffed our luggage and decided to go to this show. Now the disaster struck, the bike broke down.
I was so frustrated because that meant everything that was planned went for shit. The disappointment, frustration became apparent on my face. She was telling me about the garage behind but I was not listening as I was in disbelief at my luck.
I should have handled myself better no doubt.
I assure you I didn’t project my frustration on her.

We gave the bike away from repair and took an auto.

We somehow got our plans into order by booking tickets, getting a guide. But the location for which bike was rented now can’t be reached. I was getting increasingly disappointed at myself.

Now I wanted to apologize to her for the mishap and my behaviour but just when I was about to, she said she wants to go upstairs on her own to spend some time. I was in middle of thought process so I gave a dismissive expression and asked her why she is not talking properly ever since she has come to airport. I don’t know why I asked that and I immediately regretted and apologized. She was angry but she calmed down.
That’s what I thought but she was completely different next day onwards.
She would snap at smallest bit, won’t talk unless necessary, wouldn’t care about me for whole trip.
I didn’t want to confront her because it was my responsibility to get her back to airport and I let her be.
I didn’t let her know that her attitude was affecting me as I didn’t want to spoil her trip any further.

Even took care of her when she fell ill during the trip.
Few more things happened but I suppose the main damage was what I described. Rest 4 days to be described will take me good whole day.

It was when we got to airport that I wanted to talk to her but there was this one indication I got where I knew she has ended it in her mind rather than just being pissed off.

I couldn’t talk to her after hearing that. I just assured that the trip went wrong but there were too many external factors spoiling it and I am the person you travelled with on first trip. I will do better with next. She didn’t say anything.

@SRCJJ @SLAG

had I not known that she had made up her mind, I would have totally given her space.
I was still confused if she was angry or done so I didn’t bother her much for a whole month.

The thing is she is very mood driven.
Her friend acknowledge that she snaps very strongly and is very headstrong. She makes her decisions on impulse and stays with it.

Now I do acknowledge my mistakes in day 1 but her indifference made it hard for me to take joy from the trip and that’s what she seemed to have tapped in.

I never had a chance to sit with her and reason that it was an forgivable mistake and she was in the mood from very beginning because of what happened to her friend, where she snapped at every small bit.

Now yes, whether it was forgivable or something she derives a long term conclusion of me at my worst, is something she knows.

But I find it extremely reactive thing to end a relationship on that mistake when we were so much in love.
There was no indication of fading of affection one bit before that.

7 years of friendship and a year long dating ended on just one day.
I would have been lot more sane if it was for something big or something that happened over course of period.

But breakup because I got frustrated or disappointed on ruining her trip and breakup because of my action of 1 day, just seems really unbelievable and unfair.

I don’t know. You have small snippet of what happened. You can tell me honestly if I am in wrong.
I will take it.

#14

I will wait a few days. If I can’t get her out of my mind. I will consult someone.
You are right, it’s not a special pain.

@Everyone.
This is helping.

Be it sympathetic, be it straight telling me to own my mistake of stalking, it’s helping . Thank you.

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#15

Sounds like a nightmare. Dodged a bullet mate.

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#16

sorry to hear what you are experiencing. it will take months to move on. i recommend:

keep a thought journal to reflect upon. embrace your feelings and dont run or hide from them. its okay to feel how you so.

practice mindfulness, the headspace app is 10/10

exercise daily

get a new hobby

attend counselling!

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#17

In 6 months time you will look back on this and think WTF. Just give it time and switch your attention to something else.

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#18

Like others have mentioned mate, perhaps space/distance is the best option right now. Cut all contact. If it’s meant to be, and the feelings are mutual, she will contact you. It may take days, weeks. months… but if she does, my advice; don’t reply instantaneously, even miss the first call. It may sound stupid, but it will help. Give it time.

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#19

I don’t want to demonise her. From her point of view, I probably did seem like someone who she won’t enjoy traveling with.
I did make quite a few mistakes and made weird comments.

Nothing wrong with wanting a partner to meet a certain criteria.

I am just disappointed that she didn’t give me any leeway for a weird circumstance we found ourselves in. Had she known that her attitude affected, she perhaps would have taken a less firm stance and thought about it.

Gosh, it’s all seems so silly yet so decisive. For something like traveling. I have trekked several times, went on solo trips, had a life threatening situation hanging by steepface, rappelling and all the stuffs. I always thought I was a good traveller. And I got dumped for being a poor one.

#20

Give it time. :wink:

The point is you shouldn’t really have to try that hard to not irritate each other.

Better you find that out now.

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